What is the last thing you dug in over — and was it actually about Christ, or about being right?

These are two of the most argued-over sentences in the New Testament, and it is worth slowing down on four small words: as is fitting in the Lord. Sunday, Jay Reynardus offered another way to hear them — as long as it is proper in the Lord. Which means there is a line. If what is being asked of you runs against Christ, you do not go along with it. Standing up and saying no is not rebellion there; it is faithfulness. That was radical in a world where the head of a household legally decided whether a newborn was kept or discarded. And notice Paul does not stop with one side. The very next breath is aimed at husbands: love, and do not be harsh. Jay was blunt about it — men have spent generations acting like ogres, and much of what makes marriage hard today is the harvest of that. This is no

What would a child in your house say your life is actually built around?

Paul says obey — and then, immediately, before anyone can weaponise it, he turns and says: do not provoke them. He knows us. He knows how fast instruction becomes leverage. So he closes the door in the same breath he opens it. Jay put the warning plainly on Sunday: do not discourage them so badly that they run, or so constantly that you break their spirit. The goal of parenting, he said, is not well-mannered children who stay off drugs and get into a good school. That is a fine outcome and a poor aim. The goal is to point them to Christ. Which is uncomfortable, because children live with us. They know exactly how much of our faith is real. If Jesus is at the centre on Sunday morning and absent from the house Monday through Saturday, they learn the lesson we are actually teaching: that t

Where are you doing eye-service — working for who is watching rather than for the Lord?

Not by way of eye-service. Not the version of your job you perform when someone is watching. Paul is writing into a world where slavery was everywhere — the Roman Empire held more people in it than any society in history. He does not call it good. He speaks into it, and what he says to the person with the least power in the room is startling: your work matters to God, and how you do it matters to God. Jay reached for a seventeenth-century monk named Brother Lawrence, who worked in a monastery kitchen and wrote that the noise and clatter of his kitchen was no different from the time of prayer. He left a small poem behind: Since I have no time to be a great saint by doing lovely things, make me a saint by getting meals and washing up the plates. Your work is as important to God as God is

Where do you hold power over someone — and would they describe you as just and fair?

Watch what Paul does in two sentences. He lifts the servant up — your labour is service to Christ Himself, and there is an inheritance coming. Then he turns to the man who owns him and levels him: you also have a Master in heaven. There is no partiality. The most powerful person in that household is told, in front of everyone, that he is not the ultimate authority in the room. He answers to Someone. Jay called it the moment Paul elevates the low and brings down the haughty. If you lead anything — a team, a company, a family — this is aimed at you. Justly and fairly is not a management style. It is what it looks like to remember that you are also under authority. And for anyone who has been on the receiving end of power used badly: the wrongdoer will be paid back. God is not indifferent

If Christ were genuinely at the centre of your home this week, what is the first thing that would change?

Step back and look at the whole passage this week. Marriage. Parenting. Work. Three arenas that could not be more different, and one thread running through all of them. Jay ended Sunday almost at a whisper, imagining people asking how you manage it: How do you husband? It's Jesus. How do you parent? It's Jesus. How can you do that when your job is falling apart? It's Jesus. That is not a slogan. It is the argument of the entire passage. A household does not flourish because the people in it try harder or find the right technique. Every generation invents a new technique, and Jay's point was that every one of them collapses in turn — because they are built on us. A household flourishes when Christ is at the centre of it. Your marriage belongs to God. Your children are being pointed some

Colossians 3:18-4:1 names three pairs — wives and husbands, children and parents, workers and the people they work for. Jay said this is not a ranking of who outranks whom, it is a household with Jesus at the center. Which of the three pairs is closest to your life right now, and what stood out to you when you read it?

Every relationship involves submitting to someone. Jay Reynardus on Colossians 3:18-4:1 and why a household only flourishes when Christ, not the people in it, is at the centre.

Jay said "submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord" can be read "as long as it is proper" — and that in a world where the father owned everything and decided everything, Paul's radical move was telling a wife she could say no when it went against Christ. How does hearing it that way change how that verse sounds to you?

Every relationship involves submitting to someone. Jay Reynardus on Colossians 3:18-4:1 and why a household only flourishes when Christ, not the people in it, is at the centre.

Jay listed the things we ask to fill a hole in us — a marriage, children, the big house with the Mercedes out front, the job — and said every one of them collapses under the weight. Which of those have you quietly handed that job to?

Every relationship involves submitting to someone. Jay Reynardus on Colossians 3:18-4:1 and why a household only flourishes when Christ, not the people in it, is at the centre.

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Greater Than (Week 7)

Greater Than Our Relationships · Resources

Colossians 3:18-4:1

Jay Reynardus Sunday, August 23, 2026

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Summary

Jay Reynardus works through Paul's household instructions in Colossians 3:18-4:1 - wives and husbands, children and parents, servants and masters. The thread through all three is the same: when Jesus is the focus, a household stops being our own small kingdom and becomes the household of God.

Sermon Outline

1

Adrift, and Coming Back ▶ 0:00

The culture lost its way when it abandoned God, and every generation invents a new way that ends the same. But something is shifting - and Jesus is the solid ground people keep looking for.
2

Submit to One Another ▶ 5:17

Ephesians 5 opens the household passage with mutual submission out of reverence for Christ. Every relationship with any human being involves submitting at some level.
3

The Paterfamilias, and When to Say No ▶ 9:52

In the Roman household the father owned everything and decided everything. "As is fitting in the Lord" also reads "as long as it is proper" - and if he asks for something counter to Christ, the answer is no.
4

Husbands: Love Them and Be Tender ▶ 12:52

Colossians 3:19 is short and pointed. Two thousand years later, after decades of teaching men, Jay says it is still the thing men most need to hear.
5

What Is Your Goal in Marriage? ▶ 14:42

Marriage entered for self-fulfillment will disappoint, and so will the kids and the house. The goal has to be the glory of Christ seen in your spouse.
6

The Secret Is to Outserve ▶ 20:06

A friend married thirty-four years asks for the secret. The answer is one word: outserve. Make the bed, do the dishes, keep serving - and watch the marriage flourish.
7

Children, Obey; Fathers, Do Not Provoke ▶ 21:27

Paul tells children to obey and then, immediately, tells parents not to exasperate them - not to break their spirits or discourage them out of the faith.
8

A Better Father Than the One You Had ▶ 24:29

A therapist once asked Jay how he could know what a good relationship looks like, having never seen one. He knew the answer: he had met his heavenly Father.
9

Jesus at the Center, or Only on Sunday ▶ 28:48

Children live with you, so they know. If there is no Jesus in the house Monday through Saturday, they learn that Jesus is something you do on Sunday mornings.
10

Bondservants, Masters, and Honest Work ▶ 30:50

Paul speaks into the reality of Roman slavery without calling it good. The takeaway for us: all honest work done with integrity is valuable to God.
11

Brother Lawrence and the Plates ▶ 34:49

A seventeenth-century kitchen monk found God among the noise and clatter of the pots, and asked to be made a saint by getting meals and washing up the plates.
12

From Little Kingdoms to the Household of God ▶ 40:16

Marriage, parenting, work - when Jesus is at the center of each, our households stop being our own personal kingdoms and become his. That is where flourishing begins.

Key Points

The culture is adrift because it abandoned God, and every generation offers a new way that ends the same as the last. Jesus is the solid ground people keep looking for.
Every relationship you have with another human being involves submitting at some level, which is why Paul opens with mutual submission out of reverence for Christ.
"As is fitting in the Lord" can also be read "as long as it is proper." If a husband asks for something counter to Christ, the answer is no - and in the Roman world that was revolutionary.
Men are reaping what generations of men have sown. Two thousand years later, the instruction husbands still most need is the one Paul gives: love your wives, and be tender with them.
A marriage entered for self-fulfillment will disappoint you, and so will the kids and the house. Your marriage belongs to God, and the goal is the glory of Christ seen in your spouse.
Parenting aims too low. The goal is not well-mannered children who stay off drugs; it is children pointed to Christ - and they can tell whether Jesus is in the house on Tuesday.
All honest work is worship. Paul lifts the bondservant by saying his work matters to God, and lowers the master by reminding him that he has a master too.

Quotable Moments

“There's no relationship that you have with any human being on the face of the earth that doesn't involve some kind of submitting” ▶ 6:04

“if he asks you or tells you to do something that is counter to Christ, stand up and say no.” ▶ 11:18

“Your marriage isn't yours. Your marriage isn't primarily about you. Your marriage belongs to God.” ▶ 18:56

“Wife, serve your husband as if he was Jesus, even when he doesn't act like Jesus. Especially when he doesn't act like Jesus.” ▶ 21:10

“Your work is as important to God as God is important to your work.” ▶ 36:32

Take It With You

Your marriage is not yours. Submit it to the Lord and watch what he does with it.
Outserve your spouse. Serve them as if you were serving Jesus - especially when they are not acting like him.
Your children can tell whether Jesus lives in your house on Tuesday. Let them see the Bible open and the prayers made at home.
Your honest work is worship, whatever it is. How you do it matters as much as what it produces.

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The study guide above (summary, outline, key points, quotes, questions) was generated from the sermon transcript with AI and reviewed by our team. Spot something off? Let us know.

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Greater Than Our Relationships · Resources

Colossians 3:18-4:1

Watch & Listen

Summary

Sermon Outline

Key Points

Quotable Moments

Take It With You

Downloads

Related Reading

Washing Up the Plates: Why God Cares About Your Monday

Greater Than Our Relationships: What Actually Changes When Jesus Is at the Center

I Can't Remember the Day I Got Saved. Does That Count?

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